Turbo-Assassin's News

Cartoons I Am Jealous Of # 1

2017-01-21 14:55:58 by Turbo-Assassin
Updated

 

There are times I’m sure we have all experienced whilst browsing NG where we come across an animation and think to ourselves, “Boy, I wish I had thought of that”.

It’s a nice feeling to have, to be inspired by a fellow artist who has somehow managed to crack the creativity block and create something your mind had hitherto been incapable of even imagining.

 

It was with good fortune that I experienced this very brain-tingle not so long ago.

 

The cartoon is called Calvin Carcass # 1, and its premise is as simple and devious as its execution.

I feel so jealous of this cartoon, and I must admit I have been tempted to steal the idea wholesale and create my own interpretation. After all, most uploads are just aping other, more successful artists anyway; how many Madness or Egoraptor clones have you trudged through this week?

Would anyone really notice if I were to rip-off a 16 year old Flash cartoon from 2004 with under 30,00 views? It would be the perfect crime!

 

But no.

 

As the ancient Stoics have taught us, humility is a virtue to be practiced when faced with even the most obstinate of obstacles.

That would be dishonest, and would contravene the unwritten code amongst Flash cartoonists: do not rip each other off (unless you’re trying to scrounge up YouTube subscribers, it seems).

But Calvin Carcass is such a perfect little gem. It was meticulously animated at a time when most other cartoonists were still getting the hang of tweening.

The home-made light rock underpinning the bizarre narrative, when lesser artists would have delved straight into their CD collection and chosen some fuck-awful copyrighted crap from their favourite band of the time; probably something like Lostprophets.

 

But above all, it is the unassuming and deliciously tasteless simplicity of the cartoon that marks it above many others, even all these years later.

 

I am jealous of this cartoon. I wish I had thought of it.  

 

-Turbo.

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I am ashamed of myself!

2016-11-12 05:29:49 by Turbo-Assassin
Updated

I've just opened a Twitter account. What the fuck has happened to me?

I used to be cool.

Now I am a twat. A stupid, stupid internet twat.

"Oh, look at me! Listen to my shit opinions!"

Is this what happens to you after a certain amount of time? Do you become one of "them"?

I just want to make cartoons. Why is it like this? Fuck.

Is this the begining of the end?

Not now... surely?

http://twitter.com/Turbo_Cartoons

I've got a Youtube thing as well.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGfqr1Zrkb77w0Tx1EpLyJQ?sub_confirmation=1

What am I turning into?

How do you reconcile this? I'm just a cartoonist, that's all I ever wanted to be, not... this...

Look, I'm sorry... you've got better thing to do and I'm wasting your time.

There are some cartoons on the way. Things have been busy. Maybe I just needed to get things off my chest.

I'm still cool. It's gonna be okay...

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... and breath...

 


New Toon Tomorrow!

2015-08-22 18:51:50 by Turbo-Assassin
Updated

Just a quick post to remind myself  to upload that fucking cartoon that's been in my folder tomorrow.

Why I don't upload stuff when I've finished it like everybody else I do not know.

Tomorrrow at 4.00pm EST or 8.00pm GMT, depending on which tectonic plate you live on.

ACE!

-Turbo.

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Well written Flashes.

2014-09-20 18:36:08 by Turbo-Assassin
Updated

 

Hammertime boys and girls!

 

With wily guile I stumbled upon a cartoon that stirred within me the juices of creativity!

(I found a cartoon that I thought was quite good).

 

Here it be:

Time Bros pt. 1/2

Time Bros pt. 2/2

 

What struck me about this cartoon was that it was genuinely well written; dovetailing plots, pathos and humour. This is simply a great, self contained cartoon and it left me feeling fired up and enthused!

 

Normally when people on the internet try to be funny they induce no more than a scrote-tightening shiver of embarrassment. I guess people feel the need to play to the gallery, but why presuppose the audience are thunderously dense half-wits?  

 

It got me thinking that I would love to try writing/animating something like Time Bros but unfortunately the author seems to no longer be active, so collaboration is out of the question.

 

Are there any similar cartoons on NG that I could use for inspiration? The only genuinely good writer on NG that comes to mind is HappyFatties but I’d like to know of more, mainly plot based writers like the author of Time Bros.

 

OH! There was once a cartoon that I saw here about a girl with no legs who pushes herself around on a cart. She enters a haunted house (I think) and encounters a monster. Any ideas?

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated gang!

 

*PEACE & LOVE*

 

-Turbo xxx

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The Joy of Sphex!

2014-06-14 19:11:31 by Turbo-Assassin
Updated

Greetings, my little Bumblebees!

 

I have just uploaded a cartoon about everybody’s favourite feathered friends: Wasps!

Sphexy Lady! Vote ACE!

Specifically, this cartoon deals with the fear of wasps, otherwise known as spheksophobia.

 

Originally I wanted to call this cartoon “Wasp love got to do with it?” but the text-field was too small and compromised my artistic vision. It took me a whole week to think of a different title and this was the best I could do. Soz.

 

Future Stuff:

Seeing as I only make one blog post per year I may as well set out my intentions for the rest of beautiful 2014.

 

At the moment I’m working on a new game but I’ll also be putting together some quick little animated sketches. I need to make a few smaller projects and stop getting bogged down with things that take months to make, especially as nobody like them. It would make more sense to pump out some smaller things and spread my reign of terror much quicker.

 

In other news, a real life human chum of mine has made a "Let's Play" of  Irritable Bowel Psycho, so you can now relive those precious memories without having to play the actual game!

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Oh, a big THANKYOU to all who have subscribed and I promise I will try my best to make something worthy of your soft, delicious brains.

 

Never forget... I... I love you...

 

-Turbo! xXx


Irritable Bowels, Full Of Crap!

2013-12-05 16:42:16 by Turbo-Assassin
Updated

Hosanna in Excelsis, boys and girls!

 

You can be sure the festive season is underway when the mind resonates with those uncontrollably suicidal thoughts that somehow manage to worm their way into your fucking skull.

 

So, after a highly successful teaser campaign, I have decided to celebrate our yuletide misgivings by uploading a bauble to the blessed internet: Irritable Bowell Psycho!

 

Vote 0!

 

This is the second in a series of submissions that focus on the lighter side of human misery, the other so far being based on leprosy. Despite public bafflement, more will gleefully follow.

As my first game this submission is actual crap, not only thematically, but literally also.

 

Straying misguidedly from my comfort zone, I pieced this game together whilst also trying to knock out a cartoon. It wasn’t easy and I greatly underestimated how much effort this bastard thing would take.

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Even condemning the animation to an embarrassing 1982 aesthetic took months of punishing gruel, which amount to nothing more than an awkward curiosity that nobody in their right mind would pay any attention to for more than a couple of minutes – so no change there, then.

 

The pay off, such as it is, is that I now have the rudimentary skills to cobble together another game, an engine for which has already been put into gear. It seems that I haven’t learnt my lesson at all.

 

But hey, wipe away those tears, because I am now almost halfway through a cartoon which I’m surprisingly pleased with. I’d even go as far as to say I’m quietly confident that my new ‘toon will be - perhaps - good?

 

So it seems that I end this year on a delirious (delusional?) high. I’ve got 3 cartoons planned for next year, each more violent and horrifying than the last, to be released at 3-4 month intervals, plus a new game, so our paths will hopefully cross once more, sweet friend.

 

So, until next we meet, I bid you all a most excellent Christmas and a salubrious and sexy New Year.

 

There will be blood.

 

-Turbo xxx


Teaser Campaign.

2013-11-15 19:50:03 by Turbo-Assassin
Updated

When one boy thought he could face no greater fear...

... it happened.

...will it happen...

... to you?

Hoodwinked By a Fish.swf

Teaser Campaign.


Look At My Face!

2013-04-12 18:39:04 by Turbo-Assassin
Updated

Shalom dudes!

I found this website where you can PhotoFit your own face. This means that you can see what you would look like if The Feds where to tail you but without having to actually shoot any innocent bystanders. It's a win-win situation!

As you can see, I have a lovely face even though my eyes aren't quite as far apart as the PhotoFit suggests. Also my mouth seems to belong to someone from a different ethnic origin.

Maybe we could have a face competition where we all upload our PhotoFit to The Dump and whoever has the best face wins a new car, courtesy of Newgrounds.com.

Anyway, thank you for looking at my face and I'll hopefully have some more crap cartoons for you guys relatively soon.

I... I wub you.

-Turbo XXX

Look At My Face!


Give me a disease!

2012-10-08 14:46:06 by Turbo-Assassin

Aloha!

We all agree that death and disease are bad and wrong, yeah? But unfortunately most of us will die of death and disease at some time in our life.

For years doctors and boffins have tried to cure us of our ills, only to - ironically - die themselves before finding a resolve.

Is it any wonder that death has been a subject of fascination to philosophers, psychologists, doctors and, yes, even us humble Flash artists, since time immemorial?

That is why I have decided to make a cartoon about every single disease known to mankind!

To start the ball rolling I have just uploaded a cheeky cartoon about one of my favourite diseases of all time... leprosy!

Hopefully this will be the beginning of a lifelong endeavour to document all the disease and death that we, as Earthlings, have yet to come to terms with.

Perhaps, through the art of crap cartoons, we can absolve ourselves of the fear of our own mortality and instead sit back and have a little giggle as we are eaten away from the inside by the claws of cancer.

Unfortunately, I am reasonably healthy, so it doesn't look like I'll be contracting any terminal diseases in the near future, let alone dying of something tropical and cool.

That is why I would like to open the floor to anyone who has any interesting disease ideas/anecdotes which they would like to share with me. Perhaps a family member contracted something after an exotic sabbatical. Perhaps you're a student of medicine and are clued up on rare ailments.
Or perhaps you yourselves have battled with aggressive ringworm (Shit! That's a great idea!).

Any ideas/anecdotes would be greatly appreciated and will be invaluable in helping me construct the most unnecessary cartoon series of all time! I will then probably shove them all in a video together in a cartoon compendium of curious conditions, and dump it on the internet somewhere.

ACE!

I... I love you,

Turbo (culosis). xxx

P.S: I'm actually being serious.

Give me a disease!


Sexy Free Gift!

2012-10-08 11:12:59 by Turbo-Assassin
Updated

Word to yo Mama,

At Burst Brain Cartoons we feel that it is important for our cartoons to educate as well as horrify.

That is why as a special free gift to all of our fans we have provided you with your very own download-and-keep animated sexual loop, as featured in the critically acclaimed cartoon Fap Attack (current score 2.05/5.00).

We hope to enlighten you and increase your sexual awareness so that you can learn as well as fap off to some animated filth.

Enjoy your free gift and we'll see you for more cartoon extravagance in the very near future.

Happy Fapping!

- Turbo xxx

Sexy Free Gift!